


Diary Entry 1 - Victor

by Morisa



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Coming Out, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25745674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morisa/pseuds/Morisa
Summary: After all that happened to Victor, he tries to summarize some thoughts of his move to Atlanta and all the things following it. Reflecting not only on himself but on all the people he met.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston
Kudos: 6





	Diary Entry 1 - Victor

I don’t know how long it has been since I last wrote in a diary. Must have been years. But here I am, writing in a new empty book, waiting to be filled with what I am writing in it… So where do I even start now.

Usually “Dear Diary,...” is a starting point, but isn’t that just kind of cliche?

Maybe I just start with the reason: So, diary, I am writing this because my thoughts are all over the place. We moved to Atlanta 2 months ago and it feels surreal what is going on here.

First I met Felix, the best friend I never had. I really appreciate him being in my life. Even though he can be weird sometimes, he is the kind of person that I really love to interact with. Trying to cheer me up when I am down or support me with issues related to my family. He is just an amazing friend.

We are always going to school with each other, since the very first day. I still remember how he told me that I can be anyone when starting fresh at school. Sadly, I didn’t know then who I was or who I wanted to be.

Then I met Lake and Mia. They are both very extraordinary people. Lake is very passionate about her image and loves social media. For some she might look a bit superficial, but if you get to know her a bit more, she really tries to be a great supporter. Similar to Felix… Maybe that’s why they are together now after all.

Mia on the other hand is just lovely. Everyone in school wants to be with her. She could be considered some kind of celebrity at school. But beneath her perfect social life, lies sadness and anger about her family, which I got to know later on. She really deserves the world how much she kept up with her situation.

The two girls I just met directly jump to the most important topic for teenagers: Relationship status. This is such a common topic and as usual I wouldn’t be prepared for an answer. Of course I wasn’t in a relationship back then. I didn’t even know what I wanted from life itself.

I just answered that there is no girl back in Texas. Which is true, but to be fair… I kinda knew already that girls are not what I was particularly interested in, but I couldn’t just yet figure everything out. I have only just moved to Atlanta to start over with my family. I have enough time to figure things out, I thought back then.

How much easier it would have been for me if I would have figured things out earlier? No one will ever know for sure, but I really would like to know

After the chat with the 2 girls, I met the most amazing person yet in whole Atlanta. Benjamin, or how everyone was calling him, Benji Campbell. He was just walking down the hallway and I was staring at him. He introduced himself and noticed the vintage Nike shoes I was wearing. I somehow knew that this guy would change my world and boy was I right about this. At the end I can now call him my boyfriend, which makes me the luckiest person alive!

It was a very rough way to get to the point that I can say: I have a boyfriend. I didn’t know anything about sexuality really. I didn’t care much back in Texas. Pilar, my sister, had her boyfriend and that was always some weird shit show for my family to look at. And my parents themself are not really the easiest to talk to about sexual stuff.

Coming from Puerto Rico, the situation is slightly different. Catholic beliefs are very important and deeply connected with family values. My grandparents on my father’s side are as well very conservative, while we don’t have much contact to our other grandparents anymore.

But… back to Benji. I don’t really know what it was that made me fall in love with him on first sight. He was just... him. Very handsome, pretty, confident. His voice was making me melt and I had a hard time focusing on what he was saying. Making me speechless during the conversation about my shoes. It was just as if I have forgotten how my body functions. Lucky that I didn’t forget how to breath, even though I swear I almost choked when talking to him.

The only thing I thought during this time is: BE MINE! I didn’t want to share this person with anyone else, but it all came different.

As later that week I got to know that he had actually a boyfriend… yep he was gay, but he was not gay with me. I wasn’t even sure what I was at that time. I am glad I finally know now.

To be fair, I would just make this entire entry right now only about him. I could spend hours just describing how perfect Benji is. His amazing hair, his incredible brown eyes, the cute little nose, his soft lips… But as much as I want to make this entry about him, I should sort my thoughts on everything here.

I was nervous at my first day at school, especially because of Andrew later on. He was in the same basketball team as I was and since I am decent at it, he thought I was a threat to his pride I believe. Though he is not really a bad guy. Even though he might be seen as a bully at school, he does have a soft core and cares about people, but at that time, he showed to be very egoistic and narcissistic.

He even went so far that he created a fundraiser for me joining the basketball team as he thought it’s a funny joke. Well guess what… IT IS NOT FUNNY to be “poor”. I wouldn’t even consider my family as poor, we are a working class family, but people had the Creekwood High School really seemed to only care about the status, at least that’s what I perceived at the start. 500$ to join a basketball team wasn’t easy money for everyone.

Of course not everyone is like that, Felix is the best example, but he wasn’t popular, but he didn’t care to be popular either. Then there was Mia as well, who grew up in wealth, but she doesn’t care about status, but more about the person behind it.

How strange it must have been. Random new kid at school getting together with the desirable girl of the school. That is what happened at the end. I asked her on the fun fair to go to the fairies wheel with me. But to be fair, I wanted this with Benji… I didn’t knew then that he has a boyfriend, but even if I knew, I wouldn’t have asked him to begin with. I wanted to fit in… I wanted to be normal.

It hurts that I am reflecting on it like that. I really made it all about the others. What others think of me was more important than what I think of myself and that hurts. Deep inside me I knew I was different and I buried it alongside all my feelings, emotions and thoughts. I tried to be rational for most of the time. 

This is who I was and now I am the person I should have been all along. Too many times I tried to make it right for everyone. Never wanting to hurt anyone. But because of that I hurt people at the end. It has been a mistake to begin with… but if I didn’t, then maybe I wouldn’t be where I am now: HAPPY!

Happy that I can call Benji my boyfriend… Happy that my family accepts me for who I am… Happy that I have friends… Happy that nothing changed really, besides of me being myself.

A lot of people might not realize how relieving it is, to stop pretending. Stop being the perfection others want to see, and show them the imperfection that each and everyone has inside of them, which makes them perfect in their own ways.

_ To be continued? _


End file.
